Are You as a Woman Really Ready to Start Your Own Business?

Rockin’ the solo-preneur lifestyle with my cat Jack in my home office in Milwaukee, WI, early 2017

I was 30 years old when I walked out of the highest-paying job I ever hoped to hold.  

In the preceding months, I had done everything I could to ensure my success. I hired a business coach. Got a business plan together. And even started getting beta clients for my new business’s first service package, so I could pitch it with testimonials. 

Of course, I was still scared out of my wits. But I was ready, right? I mean, as ready as I was going to be…

Sometimes I think it’s a blessing that God doesn’t tell us what’s going to happen in advance. Over the next three years, I learned how ready I really wasn’t to have my own business. And the business I did build was full of stress and struggle. Oh, I worked hard. So, so hard. But that’s just it: I did it all in my own strength. And I didn’t realize that while I had put the external foundation of the business into place, I hadn’t put the internal foundation there. 

Owning a business that served entrepreneurs and freelancing for many corporate clients forced me to come face-to-face with what was really going on inside me. 

Now, I tell women entrepreneurs: the external details of the business are important—what you are going to sell, who you will serve, what you will charge, etc. But if you are not truly strong enough inside (yet) to handle what you are stepping into … you will fail. 

Bottom line: you can’t do this business thing in your own strength. And God will use this situation to teach you that, like nothing else. 

So how can you ensure that you are truly ready internally to take this entrepreneurship journey with God?

You’re ready when … 

1) You’ve faced your fear of money.

Owning a business will show you, like nothing else, how terrified you are of money: both of not having enough, and of having “too much.” God had to break me of my “money fears” before I could stop putting limits on myself with my earning potential. I secretly believed that people who had a lot of money hurt other people. (NOTE: This presupposition is rampant in the artistic, social good and educational communities, which many women entrepreneurs identify with.) To be a successful entrepreneur, you have to get absolutely clear on the sufficiency of God to provide for you, and be willing to break through every block you have around money that will hold you back. 

2) You’ve faced your fear of self-promotion.

Oh sure, you want to have a business. But let’s talk about promoting your services, sharing your expertise and allowing your real, gifted self to be SEEN in the real and online worlds. Many women entrepreneurs I know describe themselves as “shy,” “not good in the spotlight,” and “wishing someone else would market the business.” I’m here to tell you, Sister. It does not work that way. God wants you to stand on your talents in HIM. He wants you to stand firm and tall and proclaim who He has made you to be, so the people who need you can find you. Very often this means confronting issues of self-worth and self-doubt that plague all of us. (It did for me!) If you are not ready to face these things, you are not ready for this business. 

3) You’ve faced your fear of success. 

Scraping by is okay. Having enough and a little extra is probably fine, too. But wild, over-the-top, runaway success that silences all the haters and causes people to stare in wonder? Um, yeah, that’s getting a little uncomfortable now, isn’t it? As Christians, we are so often taught that God is not interested in our success or happiness—yet I believe He is deeply interested in both. Yes, both of these may have to bow to His will for us to experience sorrow and loss for a season (believe me, I have been there!). But I believe far more often we fail to experience His best because we simply open to the fact that it IS possible. And (see Point #2) we’re not sure we deserve it. This entrepreneurial journey will challenge all of these thoughts. If you are not ready to accept success, don’t bother shooting for it. 

Owning a business as a woman—the kind of business that truly does good for others while honorably supporting you—is a noble goal. It IS possible to create these income streams. It IS possible to get out of the corporate rat race and experience the freedom and joy of owning your time and serving people you truly appreciate and want to help. 

But even these beautiful goals come at a price.

You will not be able to carry your sense of poverty, sense of self-loathing or self-doubt into this process. And if you try … well, I can say from my own experience that God has ways of knocking it all out of you. In the kindest (but most serious) way possible. 

Are you really ready to start your business? Well, you’ll never fully be ready. You might just have to take the leap. In fact, you probably will. But if you spend time really working on these three areas, you will be better positioned for success. 

I don’t regret walking out that door at age 30. I don’t miss the salary. bonus or cushy travel allowance I had—because in exchange, I was a slave in golden handcuffs. But I also, today, recognize how much I had not prepared myself internally for this new journey. 

Hard work will only get you so far. It can’t make up for the deficits you secretly believe you have inside. 

God Is My ATM, No Matter How Offensive That Sounds

Double blessings over Tuscany, Sept 2017

I believe God wants us to have the things we are longing for—relationally, creatively and materially.

Let me say that again.

I believe God wants us to have the things we are longing for—relationally, creatively and materially.

If that sounds like I believe God is my ATM, ready to dole out relationships, artistic projects and cash when I need them …. no, you’re not crazy. And yes I do believe that.

I say “God is my ATM” frequently, and people have a visceral reaction to it. Many have told me they’re offended when I say that, because it implies God is some kind of genie ready to fulfill my desires.

I would have had that same reaction once upon a time … and today, I believe that response indicates more about the state of our hearts than the soundness of our theology.

So I’m gonna say it again:

God wants us to have the things we are longing for …. and He’s ready to send them, just like cash out of an ATM.

Before you click away, convinced I must have either lost my marbles, or decided to fashion God in my own image, hear me out. If the above statement is true, then the way we’re going about asking for what we want is not just wrong. It’s pushing us in the opposite direction of what we truly want.

Think about it. As a Christian woman, I used to approach my desires with a considerable amount of fear and suspicion. God might want me to have what I was asking for. He might not. I couched every prayer carefully to ensure I would demonstrate an openness both to receiving and not receiving, according to His will. I did my best to wrestle down my feelings of longing for the outcome I was seeking. In a sense, I tried my best to deny the desire.

Is it any wonder I rarely got what I was seeking … or wanting?

Because I wasn’t entirely convinced God wanted me to have what I desired, deep down, I would reluctantly enter into situations that didn’t reflect my desire or even drew me in the opposite direction. Surrender, I thought, demanded I be willing to do this.

If truth be told, I often ran straight into those situations as some kind of punishment, to keep me from desiring what I desired too much. Especially because it never seemed to come to fruition, no matter how hard I prayed. So God couldn’t possibly want it. Right?

I can’t count the number of times I heard preaching on Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?” (KJV) This teaching reinforced my doubt of the desires deep in my heart and made praying for them an experience that was one part blind hope, one part wishful thinking and one part pure anxiety.

Rarely did I hear anyone preach on Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Honestly, most of the theology I grew up with was far more focused on loss than receiving.

All that changed one day in July of 2016, when God spoke to me audibly for the first time in my life, launching my journey as a prophet. The first message He spoke to me was:

“You do not know how to receive love.”

I’ll write the details of that day some other day, but the general gist of the story is this. For the next three years, God began to show me how much He did want to give me. And that the desires of my heart—the deepest ones—weren’t purely selfish. He had put them there from the time I was a small girl. And He intended to fulfill them, if (and only if) I would come to a place where I truly opened myself to receiving them and allowed Him to give.

This was progress. Real progress. I saw new window of Heaven open and pour out things I’d desired for years (emotional healing, weight loss, more loving/connected friendships, my dream apartment, world travel, courage to speak my truth).

But the biggest things—a healthy, Kingdom-focused marriage; children; a wide audience of women in need of ministry; a large and gracious home to show hospitality and use as a base for ministry; financial overflow at the highest levels—still remained elusive.

I still prayed for them, and did so with a little more faith and a little less anxiety than before. But they persisted in remaining absent from my life. Which caused me to waver in my belief that these thins were God’s will.

Maybe it was His will to send me friends, apartments and trips to Europe … but God-fearing husbands and a passel of children belonged to a much higher category?

In reality, I realize now that what I had done was expand the limits of my allowed happiness and blessing enough that I could receive some of what I want. But receiving all of what I wanted would require me to expand those limits even further. And, I realize now, it would require me to actually believe God wanted to bless me with exactly wha I was asking for.

Does that statement strike fear in your heart the way it used to mine? Or at least make you uncomfortable enough that you’re tempted to squirm in your seat, or immediately register a comeback about how “God is not a genie in a bottle” or “He’s more interested in our happiness than our holiness”?

There’s something about the possibility of getting what we want that terrifies us.

The thought that God the good, good father who is excited to bless us with our sincerest, deep-down desires (which are not simply rooted in selfishness) is one of the most fear-inducing thoughts I know.

That little tickle of fear in your gut is the ceiling I’m talking about.

That’s doubt.

Today, I believe that we have not because we ask not—not really—because we’re asking in doubt. And a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. Such a person cannot expect anything from God. (Matthew 6, James 1:5-8)

I was getting warmer at this point. I began praying with more faith. But I still wasn’t sure I could trust that God actually wanted to give me Everything I was asking for. My prayers still sounded more like cajoling, begging or passionate requests undercut with, “but if it’s not Your Will, then don’t give it to me.”

Thank God He’s merciful enough not to send fire from heaven down on such faithlessness.

He’s also merciful to send us the answers we seek.

Recently, I was enjoying a post on prayer that dropped into my inbox via the Elijah List newsletter, which shares prophetic words on a daily basis. This day was like any other, and I expected the newsletter to be like any other. But what I read actually stopped me in my tracks.

The prophet of the day, John Burton, shared how he had been asking God for many of his deepest desires—like a larger space for his church to meet and the ability to quit his job to focus on ministry. Yet those prayers went unanswered, until one day God interrupted the middle of his prayer session …. to tell him he was praying completely wrong, and ought to stop now!

According to Burton, God said to him, “You are praying as if I’m resisting you. Don’t you realize I put those desires in your heart? Why are you begging Me for a desire that I initiated? I gave you the desire in the first place!”

Wow.

Just … wow.

Burton was as shocked when he heard that, as I as reading it. Because it described my prayer life for years: I was praying to God as if He were inherently resistant to my requests …. which, deep down, revealed that ceiling or limit I mentioned earlier. On the one hand, I was willing to pray for what I wanted. But on the other hand, I truly didn’t believe He could possibly want to give me those things.

In Burton’s experience, God went on to tell him that the real person resisting his desires was Satan. And that if Burton wanted to experience breakthrough, He needed to break the demonic bonds holding back his blessings.

By praying in this way, Burton crossed the line from facing God as an adversary, to joining hands with him as team members in bringing these God-given desires to pass.

Within a month, his fledgling church of 35 people received $75,000 in checks in the offering. Burton quit his day job to focus on ministry—and the church moved into a 27,000 square-foot meeting space.

This story completely overhauled how I think about praying for my biggest desires. Because for years, I prayed as if God were my “enemy” (in a loose sense, though I wouldn’t have seen it that way) keeping me from having what I wanted.

Now I understand that Satan is the enemy. As long as I am begging God for what He already wants to give—instead of standing in authority against Satan and warring for the release of my blessing—nothing will change.

So does God want to give us our deepest heart’s desires? I 100% believe He does—and the parts of our lives that bring us the most grief are a direct reflection of moments when we chose what we thought we could get rather than warring for the blessing we really wanted.

I often say “God is my ATM,” and people get mad, or accuse me of treating God like He’s at my beck and call.

He’s certainly not my slave. Not at all. But I HAVE chosen to partner with Him in this walk of faith—and as He changes me into His image and deepens certain desires in my heart—even physical and material ones—I can only choose to believe that He intends to fulfill those.

Desire, my friends. Desire hard, and war for your blessing. Desire is not the problem; our lack of faith and Satan’s crafty schemes are the issue.

Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. But you’ve got to clear out the unbelief inside of you, make space to receive those blessings and war for them.

When you take God at His Word, He really is like an ATM. Not perhaps for your every whim, but for everything you desire deep down, everything holy thing your spirit craves and everything you need.

And yes, many times He really does want to send the things you desire. Things that really don’t exist other than just to delight you.

He’s good like. Really good. Take Him at His word–and confront your adversary the devil.

The contents of your spiritual bank account are far greater than you could ever draw upon in 100 lifetimes.

3 Levels of Flow You as a Woman Can Create in your Life

Photo courtesy of Krizean Josh Victa

So many women ask me about the concept of FLOW. In fact, I really hadn’t thought much about it personally as a concept until I started hearing it from them.

Once I started pondering the concept, however, I realized it was a key subject of God’s teaching in my life over in three-year journey I’ve been on so far with Him. It is also a central factor in whether or not we as women feel happy, comfortable and joyful in the life that He’s given us.

To me, FLOW is a state of harmony, alignment and ease in which the people, inspiration and resources you need are simply there whenever you need them. If you need something, you ask God, and it shows up.

This seems to bear out in the lives lives of the women I’ve spoken with.

The women who’ve asked me about FLOW are tired. They are tired of struggling to get (and keep) the attention of husbands, friends and family members. They are tired of sparring with writer’s and artist’s block in their creative work, or battling constant insecurities and creative self-doubt. And they are most definitely exhausted from running the rat race or trying to make a shoestring business work.

Can you relate? I can.

Back in July of 2017, God promised me that Everything I wanted would come out of Nothing, and that Everything would “arrive” in August of 2018. For the next year I did indeed have absolutely Nothing other than a suitcase and a small Fiat 500. Many times I didn’t even know where my housing or groceries would come from next. Yet in that season I learned how to trust God for the FLOW of love, creative inspiration and money that I needed each day. And in August of 2018, He did bring me to Dubai, where my FLOW and upshifted into OverFLOW just as He said.

The thing about FLOW is that its not arbitrary. If you are seriously exhausted and feeling the lack of it in your life, take heart. This can change. But you have to be willing for it to change. That’s the first step. Sometimes we become so convinced that life can’t or won’t FLOW for us, that we actually block ourselves from receiving it.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s take a look at the three stages of FLOW—all of which apply to getting (and keeping) love, making friends with our muse so that she shows up on a regular basis, and attaining the resources we need to live comfortably and share abundantly with others.

FLOW Stage #1) Struggle

Technically this isn’t a kind of flow, but the lack thereof. So why would we talk about it? Well, it’s the form of flow most of us are familiar with. There’s a huge gush of love/money/inspiration, and then nothing. Or, try as we might, we can’t squeeze a drop of regularity out of that faucet.

This is where most of us live, and its the baseline we’ve been taught to accept since childhood. So we have to start there.

Struggle is sort of the “default level of flow” that most of us experience in our daily reality our entire lives, if we don’t make a radical shift. We find that one friend who really loves us for who we are. We get the one great idea—and run with it for dear life. We get a little bit of extra money and cling to it like it’s a life raft on the open sea.

We sometimes think that Struggle happens to us because we’re born into poverty, or that’s all we’ve ever seen amongst other people in our lives. But Struggle isn’t a fixed state. It’s learned and it’s perpetuated. If you grow up thinking Struggle is the norm, you’ll do things that undercut your ability to step into FLOW and cause you to perpetuate Struggle–because that’s what you know.

Stepping past Struggle begins with identifying a Struggle-based mindset in your life.

The trick with Struggle is that we think it’s the natural default pattern of God’s universe. In reality, it’s not what He intended to give us. So many times in Scripture, when God refers to himself, He refers to rivers, abundance and blessing. None of those images or terms have anything to struggle. El Shaddai is sometimes translated “The God Who Is Sufficient.”

There’s nothing sufficient about Struggle!

FLOW Stage #2) Basic FLOW

Basic FLOW, plain and simple by itself, is the next stage of this progression. When you’re operating in FLOW, you’ve stepped beyond the daily struggle for “just enough” and embraced the idea that you can have a steady supply of what you need, not just little bits here and there.

Once you understand the principle of the steady supply, you must embrace it in your thinking and in your heart. God says that we must believe first in order to receive. When you believe not just in your head, but in your heart and in your body (deep down to your toes—yes, you can feel this!), this is when you will really see your outward reality begin to shift to match your inward convictions.

When I first began to shift my thinking and live from a place of FLOW, my outward reality didn’t look all that great. I didn’t have a job or a business. I was living dollar to dollar (literally) and didn’t have a home at all. Yet my needs (and even many of my wants) were supplied on a per-day basis. Whatever I needed at that time came to me naturally. Even though my circumstances wouldn’t have looked so grand to anyone else, I actually found a lot of joy and ease by relaxing into that flow!

At the right time, a new home, financial supply and other things came back to me. But until then, all my physical, emotional and spiritual needs were still met. This is FLOW.

FLOW Stage #3) OverFLOW

OverFLOW is the highest form of flow. It’s the state that happens when you’ve gotten past struggle as your baseline and truly accepted that having enough for every day is God’s will and plan for you. As you see your “enough” show up again and again and again—even when it seems to be coming “out of nowhere”—your faith is strengthened, and God is able to bless you with more than enough.

That is the definition of OverFLOW.

Now, instead of having just enough to get by, you actually havE money left over at the end of the month, love left over in the relationship, and more creative ideas than you can actually tackle at one time. You have choices: do you invest in people/resources/art you’ve always wanted? Or do you “bank” what you have? Or do you outright give it away?

Actually having these decisions to make is a clue you’re coming into a place of OverFLOW. It also means you have to start thinking in a whole new way: toward your legacy and not just for the sufficiency of your daily needs. Where do you believe God wants you to be next year, in five years or ten years? How will you steward your resources not just for yourself but for others?

OverFLOW is the beautiful, amazing, harmonious state where you not only believe for what will meet your needs now, but for that which will meet your needs later and take care of everyone else’s. It’s where you don’t have to think twice about luxuries (like ordering in your groceries, eating out at a really nice restaurant or going on vacation) because doing so won’t “rob” from your baseline needs or affect your ability to give to others.

The trick is, you don’t get to OverFLOW by wishing or hoping. You must cultivate a conviction–right now, wherever you’re at–that everything you have is supplied at the right time. You have to learn how to cultivate that faith while you’re in a place of Struggle, which brings you to FLOW, which then allows you to believe for more and more and more in OverFLOW.

Faith is a muscle. So is FLOW. It must be exercised in order to see it really grow stronger.

I would imagine there’s a 4th stage of Over-OverFLOW, and when I get there I can tell you all about it!

– – –

What about you? Which stage defines your life right now?

What are you willing to do to upshift to the next level?

When EL SHADDAI Meets FOMO: Who’s really driving our pursuit of love, creativity and money

“Yes, God is more than ready to overwhelm you with every form of grace, so that you will have more than enough of everything–every moment and in every way. He will make you overflow with abundance in every good thing you do.” — 2 Corinthians 9:8 (Passion Translation)

Ever since I began intentionally cultivating my feminine energy, goal-setting has been difficult. It’s not that goals are bad, or that people (ie: women) strong in feminine energy can’t set them and knock them out. I know that’s absolutely not true. But there’s a discontentment in modern goal-setting that fuels a certain amount of pressure, and therefore, achievement.

Did you notice that every keyword in that sentence is more associated with masculine energy than feminine? Discontentment, fuel, pressure, achievement. Masculine energy pushes for something different. Feminine energy—properly channeled—has a deep, restful relationship with the present.

Masculine energy DOES. Feminine energy IS.

While you’re busy being present, it’s a whole lot harder to try to make something different in the future. Because when you’re happy and content in God now, living each moment to the fullest, the future takes care of itself. I have seen that over and over again.

Why is it that concept scares us so much? Even me, who’s done so much work to embrace “just being?”

I’m not sure, but I suspect our pursuit of what we think we lack has more to do with FOMO (fear of missing out) than it does of really wanting what we pursue.

Have you ever noticed that while FOMO may feel compelling, it doesn’t really feel very good?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that in relationship to marriage recently. Though I’ve embraced every other aspect of my life, singleness is still something I’ve worked hard to eliminate—though unsuccessfully to date. But if you look at my life, I actually spend a lot of time alone and am completely happy and totally renewed living this kind of life.

So why, exactly, am I so eager to change this estate that I’m in? Is it because I’m really called to be married—and I sense that deep down I’m supposed to contend for that gift—or is it because I’m 35, never experienced a happy marriage, and worry that if I don’t find it, I’ll miss out on one of life’s fundamental experiences.

The reality is, every woman of God I know well right now is experiencing deep trials in her marriage. I’m praying, counseling and contending with them all for breakthrough. All the while wondering where my Boaz is and all the while wondering, in addition, why on earth I would want the trials my friends are experiencing.

Because the visions of marriage I see in my head don’t include a spouse’s spiritual problems, radical shifts of perspective that happen after marriage, children with health problems or financial difficulties. And I’m sure they didn’t for my girlfriends, either, when they married the husband they have now, all of whom love God, but are deeply flawed human beings.

Funny how saying that changes see.

When I see marriage, I see victory and triumph—not the struggle that comes along with it. Which is what I already have in my single life, just in a different form. Yet when I think about being single, I fear that deep-down, I’m selfishly just passing time for myself and missing out on the “more” God might have for me.

We’re so terribly afraid of missing out on the more. So terribly afraid of settling. And so terribly afraid that our current reality is less than God intended for us.

Or is it just me who feels that way?

Last May, in the middle of a church service invitation, God spoke to me about Isaiah 43, in which He declares that He, the “God-of-Angel-Armies” as Isaiah often calls Him, is Israel’s husband and will care for them as such. The sermon was about the Book of Acts. It had absolutely nothing to do with God as a husband or the prophet Isaiah, yet God brought that passage to my mind and asked me a question so clear and startling, I looked around to see if anyone else might have heard it.

“Am I not Enough for you?”

He asked it several times, and in doing so, brought to mind all the ways He’s cared for me, cherished me and loved me as a good husband would. Does He have skin and a body, to hold me close and pleasure me in bed? No. But in almost every other way, He’s been a far superior husband than any human man would have been. (And I can say that as a woman who’s been in a deeply broken and unsatisfying marriage!)

Yesterday I was reminded of this again, as I pondered how much I love living alone, and wondering if, in embracing this path, I am closing myself off to the relationship God might still intend to send … which is not something I want to do.

But this blog is all about receiving God’s good gifts … so I want you to know, the struggle is real! I’m not always sure where contentment ends and settling begins, or where we’re so happy with what we have that we don’t contend and believe for more.

I can’t answer that question. But I do know last night as I was praying, I heard God say, “I AM ENOUGH.”

It was as clear and forceful as the day He asked, “Am I not Enough for you?” As if, nine months later, He had quit asking the question and was answering it for me, in case I hadn’t noticed.

Doug Addison, the noted Christian prophet, once said that prophecies often take nine months to birth, just like a human being. (I’ve always suspected that prophetic gifting, which flows and responds to the working of the Spirit in the moment, is heavily associated with feminine energy … but that’s another topic for another day.)

Anyway, if what Doug says is true, then this is the ninth-month birthing of that word God gave me nine months ago, even if it came in the form of a question. Interestingly, last August, a lady prophet in my church spoke the same over me before I left for Dubai, saying this would be the place I came to truly understand God as my husband.

She wrote the Scripture reference “Song of Solomon 2:8-17” on a coffee sleeve and handed it me before I left the church that night, the very last night I’d ever spend with my church family at Mercy Hill.

It’s hanging on my fridge right now. I look at it every day and ponder the meaning.

And yet I still secretly wonder if I’ve missed out on God’s best by “settling” for singleness.

Which leads me to suggest …. perhaps my focus is the problem. If the God-of-Angel-Armies is my Husband, and He is also Jehovah Jireh (Provider) and El Shaddai (sometimes translated “Enough,” could there ever be FOMO?

FOMO is me distrusting my own ability to know what’s best for me, and choose it.

ENOUGH is me trusting the God who gives everything to give me what’s best from His overflowing storehouse of provision.

What if I gave myself permission to enjoy my enjoyment of singleness, not fight it or stress about it, and trust that the God-of-Angel-Armies will change the situation when, and if, He chooses? After all, not much could possibly withstand an onslaught of Angels! 🙂

It’s important to caveat, of course, that a person can just be shut down and unreceptive to love—and this is at the root of many of our relationship problems and our sense of isolation or alienation. It’s important to suss out those blockages so we can allow God to clean them out and bless us with a flood of His love, peace and provision.

But happiness in your current estate is not a blockage to more happiness. And you’ll know when you’re truly contented in your estate—with a contentment from God—because there will be absolutely no anxiety around it.

FOMO is an awfully heavy burden to carry around everywhere. It’s fueled by fear, not by a healthy belief that God has more for me. And FOMO is not, by definition ENOUGH. In fact, it’s the very definition of lack. And lack is the enemy of feminine energy because when you live in a place of lack, you cannot, by definition, enjoy the present.

That’s not what I believe, or who I am.

If the God Who is called “ENOUGH” is my God, then the present is more than I need. And if that changes, He will change it for me.

That’s the essence of feminine energy. It’s the heartbeat of receptivity. And, unlike FOMO, it feels … good.

“You are not my Bargain Bin Daughter” and Other Radical Things God Said to Me about Money and Shopping

IMG_4432From the time I was born, I’ve been a bargain shopper.

Yes, like literally, I think my mom and grandma took me out bargain-hunting in a stroller.

They raised me “good and frugal.” When it came to clothes shopping, deals were our best friend. If it wasn’t on sale, we didn’t buy it. Living large for us meant buying something on sale without an additional coupon. Money was often tight in our house, and I remember Mom counting cash carefully to make sure everything was covered.

I carried those behaviors with me into my clothes shopping as an adult—even after I got married and my material resources radically increased. Queen of the Coupon-Clipping Discount After-Market Rack? Yo girl, that was me. I may not have always loved what was in my closet, and sometimes it was five or ten years out of fashion, but darn it all, I was proud of what it cost. (Or didn’t.)

I genuinely thought cheapness was next to godliness. That is, until God decided to rewrite my whole money story.

It all started in January 2016, when God randomly-not randomly crash-landed inside my safe little cheapskate box and happily blow it up, along with every other mental box I had. (We could talk about all the boxes. But hey, one story at a time, right?)

Don’t get me wrong. I still like my deals … but I’ve since discovered that my God is not the God of the bargain bin. He’s the God of endless wealth, prosperity and abundant life in Jesus Christ. As I’ve since learned, when frugality becomes an obsession in my life, instead of a helpful aspect of stewardship, then I’m not reflecting Who my Father really is.

Can I say that again, because I can never say it enough?

My God is not the God of the bargain bin. And I am not His bargain bin daughter.

Let that sink in for a minute. If you have an allergic reaction to that statement, you’re not alone. I did too the first time I heard Him say it.

I’ll never forget the day in January 2016 when God dealt with me about my stupid crazy fear-based adversarial relationship with money.

It had been a horrible quarter in my business, and I was fed up with struggling for cash. A friend sent me a link to a free online mini-course by a financial coach, which I clicked on. Somehow, God used this poorly-produced online video about money—something I would never normally have watched—to nail the heart of my beliefs about prosperity.

On the video, a financial coach was talking about the reasons why people remain poor, or behave like they are poor, even when they truly do have means, or at least have opportunities to change their financial situation. She stated that the real reason for poverty (or perceived poverty) is complex, of course. But it starts with our beliefs about ourselves, what we’re worth, what we are “good enough” to have, and how that translates into our earning and spending habits. (Or even the kinds of financial opportunities we are brave enough to go after.)

She listed out several core beliefs people have about money that keep them from stepping into true financial freedom. The first two reasons didn’t resonate with me. But the third hit me between the eyes:

“You secretly believe that people who have money or get rich just use their money to hurt other people, and you don’t want to be someone who hurts people.

Wow. She had described my life philosophy in a nutshell.

As a Christian and an artist, I associated with people who were (at best) very committed to “not being about the money.” At worst, they constantly critiqued or criticized wealthy people—yet constantly spoke about their own lack of resources.

I myself had turned down multiple high-paying jobs because I was afraid they would own my life, and that having a really comfortable life was somehow at odds with my spiritual growth. If I got money, I instantly gave every penny away. At that very moment, I was running a business that deliberately served clients who were running struggling businesses themselves … and could not afford to pay.

Was it really, truly possible that my attitudes about money were at the root of my struggles?

Deep in my spirit, I knew immediately that it was true.

I had been waiting so long for God to send me a windfall of cash out of Heaven so I could stop shopping bargains, but how could He give it to me when I immersed myself in the belief that it wasn’t okay to receive such a gift at all?

My financial life, and specifically my shopping choices, did not change overnight, but this one “ah ha” moment did set off a chain reaction of events that propelled me into almost three years of making friends with money. I made a ton of money in the process, lost a ton more and then learned how to trust God for every single dollar through an intense period of “Nothing.” The whole time, I knew all of this was preparation to step into the abundance He had destined for me before the foundation of the world.

You see, I had to finally realize that much of my early training in frugality had nothing to do with God and everything to do with anxiety. Many of us grow up with people in our lives all around us who are struggling with limited resources themselves, and a deep sense of unworthiness. They have not truly stepped into their identity in Christ (even if they are believers), or into the flow of God’s financial favor. Often, they haven’t even been taught that He desires to bless us with more abundance and prosperity than we can even imagine.

Instead, even in church, most of us have been taught (subconsciously) that money is dirty and people who have it are probably heartless and shallow, deep down.

If this isn’t said directly, it’s implied in a thousand small ways.

That may sound like an exaggeration, but really listen money you hear in your circle of family and friends. Is the conversation full of their joy, gratefulness to God and excitement to invest that money in blessing others, and also in enjoying the fullness of life God intends for them personally? Or is it full of worry, stress, arguments about every how every penny is spent, complaints about people who “have it easy,” and where the next sale is going to be?

I don’t say this to look down on anyone or criticize—not at all. But observe natural behaviors, and you’ll start to notice that we’re all trapped in some scary financial boxes that God never intended. This should cause to want to jail-break our families into mental and emotional freedom, not judge them!

For me personally, recognizing and untangling all of these generational chains helped me step into a new level of financial freedom—even when I had no money at all. I learned to let go of worry about how much money I did or didn’t have because God ALWAYS provided. Often, He provided far more (or far nicer) than I technically “needed,” when I trusted him.

Since moving to Dubai, I’ve entered a new chapter of life where God has sent many financial resources rushing back to me again. I’ve been able to step into this abundance because of what He taught me, starting with that video almost three years ago.

But sometimes, when you up-level up out of one mindset, you find yourself confronted with a host of new ones. “New levels, new devils,” as they say. Though I stepped into a new level of financial favor after coming to Dubai, the rubber really “hit the road” when it came time to not shop for clothes.

For a long time, I’ve been aware of the principle that you dress for where you want to go, not where you are. Clothes aren’t just a covering. They’re symbols of who we aspire to be and believe we can become. Clothes can be an act of faith or a revelation of our financial fears. It’s all about where our hearts are at.

Will we stand out in Christ-like confidence or hide in shame over who He has made us to be?

Our shopping choices reveal our answer to this and many more questions—and I knew it was time to change my answers.

I had been wrestling with this line of thinking for days, because as much as I wanted to step into my destiny and reflect more of who I am becoming through my clothing choices, I also have other things I believe God wants me to do with the financial resources He has entrusted to me. I was feeling the old stress about money again. I was praying for sales and deals, scanning the Dubai headlines for where the next big sale was going to be, and when the annual shopping festival is going to start.

While I was busy dithering, the Holy Spirit pressure to “get going” with my shopping began to escalate. I started bargaining with God about “maybe next month,” or “some other time,” or “when You send me an epic sale, THEN I’ll obey what I believe You’re saying about reflecting my destiny in my clothing choices.”

Finally, in answer, I heard a simple, urgent answer bubble up from Holy Spirit:

“Have you forgotten? You are not my bargain-bin daughter.”

Stop obsessing about getting the best sales and just go shopping, trusting Me to send you what you need.”

In that one thought, God re-shattered the old default programming of frugality that had popped up again and was running me hard.

The truth is: I didn’t need anything more than what He had already given me to go shopping. My Father is the God of the Universe. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. If He chooses to extend my current abundance by using a sale to bless me with more, so be it. But He already had provided enough for me to shop. If I was honest, I knew the budget I had set in my head to spend wasn’t actually His instruction to me. It was a mental box (limit) I had created on what I believed was possible.

“What if I asked you to walk into the most expensive mall in Dubai and buy what you wanted right off the rack … no sale, deal and no coupons …. would be okay?”

I found myself struggling for an answer.

“What’s gonna happen when it’s time for you to dress in Gucci and Prada?” Holy Spirit pressed. “You’re not going to wear a discount dress to stand before the kings of the earth and testify of Me. If you fight me on buying the 100 AED dress today, you’ll fight Me when I want to give you the 1000 AED dress, and the 10000 AED dress after that.”

Eventually, after enough of this, my defenses broke. And I felt so convicted.

I thought about how many times I had secretly judged well-dressed women on the street corner who who obviously had spent time and money on shopping for the outfit they were wearing.

I had judged these women because of my own insecurity and my beliefs about money and wealth. It had never once occurred to me some of those women might be sweet, dear sisters of God who were giving liberally of their means to help others—and also walking out God’s call to be a visible demonstration of His abundance in their own lives.

Was it possible, that in my penny-pinching, deal-shopping, bargain-hunting default attitude, I was missing out on the beauty, richness and joy of the decadent shopping experience God wanted me to have?

Please understand, I’m not suggesting you blow your rent money on new clothes or put a fancy dress on your credit card. (For the record, I shop with cash and cash only.) But what if … what if … God asked you to walk into a store you’ve always dreamed of shopping in, and buy something beautiful you really want … at full price?

(Newsflash: When He begins reinventing your relationship with money, you’ll probably have to do that, at some point. Just saying.)

Do you really deep-down believe you’re worth that brand-new dress with the full-price tag? Because that’s the real question here.

At the end of the day, most of our super-spiritual “frugality” isn’t truly driven by a holy desire to steward our money wisely. It’s driven by the limits of our self-worth, ingrained by generations of people before us who believed that money is scarce, wealthy is hard to get, and it’s not meant for people “like us.”

Most of us come from a heritage of women secretly don’t believe they’re worth more than the bargain rack. They never expected more in their lives or took steps to claim it spiritually for themselves. Which is why they … and we … still restrict ourselves to the bargain rack.

I truly believe this mindset not only saddens but also offends God, because it goes entirely against who He said we are. He paid the ultimate price for us. Why should we act like we’re worth nothing? Spending money wisely is absolutely commendable. But shopping from a secret mindset of poverty, lack and “not-enough-ness” is about as anti-God as it gets.

Do you see the difference?

I’d submit that about 99 times out of every 100, what we think is “wise shopping” is actually fueled by a secret belief that resources are finite, prosperity isn’t biblical, and people who have resources to spend on things like brand-new clothes are, somehow, sinning.

Don’t believe me? Try buying something you truly want, but don’t technically “need,” and isn’t on sale. Let me know how easy it is for you to open your purse for that. If you have a bona five heart-attack in the checkout line and break out in a cold sweat just getting out your wallet … you’ll know where your heart is at. (I can say that because I’ve been there!)

You can be the change in your family lineage regarding prosperity—but you’ve got to start by opening up your concept of money to God and asking Him to blow it wide open.

In the end, I decided I am not God’s bargain-bin daughter, and I will no longer dress like less than who I am.

So I went out shopping just like God said, to the exact shopping centers where He told me to go. (Listening to Him is critical in this whole process, by the way.) And let’s just say … it wasn’t the Discount Mart.

Did I get some killer deals? By God’s grace, you bet I did. And I also buy some things I really wanted right off the rack, full price—because He said to? Yep.

I’m joyful and delighted by everything God gave me. It feels so incredibly good to walk out the door stretching myself to represent who I truly believe I am in Christ—not who my own puny mental limits think I can be. I am in love with how creative He is, and how fabulously impractical He can be.

“You want those silly platform shoes with the tassels? Buy them, Daughter.” I heard Him say. “Delight in my good gift to you, which is completely unnecessary but brings you much joy. I am so abundant, I delight to send you the unnecessary.

That was good, Holy Spirit. Let me say what You said again:

“I am so abundant, I delight to send you the unnecessary.”

Yeah, those platform heels were unnecessary. But I’m rockin’ them as I write this post. And did I mention I happened to get them for a killer 90% off … even though I was willing by faith to pay the full price?

God blessed me with a sale that did extend my material resources—but only after I changed my attitude about who I am and what I deserve.

In the end, it’s all about mindset, isn’t it? My Daddy is the God of the Universe, King of Everything. I’m His dear daughter, His beloved Princess, and He delights to shower me with good gifts.

Every dime (or dirham) I have is a gift from Him, whether I have 1 in the bank or 1 million. Abundance is my attitude, no matter what my external circumstances look like. Elevation is my destiny, no matter whether my “faith shopping” leads me to the Dubai Mall or the local Discount Mart.

If my financial and shopping choices announce where I’m heading in life, I intend to always head UPWARD, in prayerful partnernship with Holy Spirit. Who, apparently, approves of my outlandish taste in shoes …